Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
