I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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