it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
