A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
