So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
