Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize