my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
