My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I have post one night stand depression
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