well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There's always time for handjobs
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Randomize
