Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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