Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
