you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
