just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
