If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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