The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
