I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
