You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
