You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize