best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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