pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize