You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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