I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
