And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
