We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
