no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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