I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
