yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
