Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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