woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
