the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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