East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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