seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
