Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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