What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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