We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
pray to the hookup gods
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
