his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
