I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
