And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize