I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
