My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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