You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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