It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
