It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
