I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
