wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
