i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
