somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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