he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
