This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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