trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
