U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
