Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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