she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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