I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
