I think I died a long time ago.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
