just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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