He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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