I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
