I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
