My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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