I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
