Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
