took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
