Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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