You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
