Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
