I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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