its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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