i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Fuck me I smell like cheese
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
