If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
