I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
farters have to be the big spoon...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
