How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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