Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
