you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
