Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize