i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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