i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
