umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
