I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
