Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
