I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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