he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
