I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Still dying that you shit outside
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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