So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
