She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
