WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
