i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
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