She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
