I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
