he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
