He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
