so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
