I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
