Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
