dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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