its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
