i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
