so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
