he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
