508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
