Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I have aggressive nipples.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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