She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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