Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
