i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I need to calm my uterus...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
