Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
