Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
